The Yin To Your Yang

So blogs are becoming quite popular amongst some of my friends now. Two of my close friends specifically, host their own blogs within this very site (you can link to both on the right) - but their blogs are quite different than mine. While I tend to be a bit more serious in reflecting on experiences, examining weird tendencies, or rambling about political events/policies here (and try to include some humor along the way) their blogs are purposely humorous accounts of all the crazy things they get in to over the course of a day, most of which are things they've done/said/seen while intoxicated. And I'll admit, their blogs are definitely funny. But they are also full of stuff that I could never write about now (I could definitely give them a run for their money if I started recounting stories from the day, but that could also get me and several close friends in a lot of trouble with wives, fiancees, girlfriends, and the government...so I digress). The differences between our blogs lie in the fact that they are single, crazy bachelors - and I am not.

So what is it about relationships that tames us? Is the change in behavior forced on us with the crack of a whip, or is there some degree of self-imposed restraint involved? In my own opinion, there are three main reasons why the change inevitably takes place. Perhaps each individual relationship has varying nuances within them, but I suspect any of my friends who are married, engaged, or otherwise seriously entertained would agree with my main points...

Reason 1. Most of the crazy situations that single guys get into result from miscalculated attempts to impress the fairer gender. Like lions that fight, bulls that tangle horns, or crickets that make crickety noises, active bachelors engage in a "mating dance" if you will in an attempt to impress and attract a female. And more times than not, the dance is poorly choreographed and ends up going horribly wrong. In the few cases where it does work, you usually have stories that involve words and phrases like "chick", "shots", "called her the wrong name", "butterface", "one leg", "hook up" or "snuck out before she woke up".

Those of us in relationships don't do that dance anymore, so we avoid the crazy, albeit sometimes funny, situations that it often leads to. We've already danced to get in the door. I think the rest of our lives are spent dancing to not get thrown back out.

Reason 2. As you get older and mature, and get into a serious relationship with someone, it dawns on you that your individual behavior reflects on them as well. And the type of confident, self-assured woman that you want a long-term relationship with doesn't stand for stupid drunk bullshit. So you are left with a choice: stupid drunk bullshit, or the long term relationship? That's not to say that those who are still enjoying their stupid drunk bullshit have made that their life-long choice. Perhaps they just haven't come to the point in their lives where they were forced to make the choice. In other words, they have yet to meet the one who can pose that question and be great enough to actually inspire true contemplation.

Those of us in the relationship have met the right one, realized that we wouldn't want to do something to embarass her, and so we chose the relationship over the antics. Plus, the reciprocal rule comes into play. We wouldn't want to see our girls stumbling around puke-drunk, screaming obscenities, injuring themselves in mock car-wrestling matches, or jumping on the bar and delivering a bad rendition of Thunder Road, would we? (ok, it might be funny once) One major symptom of maturity is having a conscience, and realizing the true spirit of the golden rule.

Reason 3. If your conscience fails you one night, and you do end up getting too drunk and embarassing your lady friend, it is NO fun dealing with a pissed off female when you're hung over. This reason alone should be enough to keep you from going over the edge, and its consideration acts as a great deterrent.

So I think there is some element of whip cracking involved, but the change really boils down to self-imposed discipline. After all, a guy wouldn't let himself be "whipped" unless he really wanted to be. In the beginning of a serious relationship, we are "told" about our bachelor habits and the need for change. But as time goes on, we make a conscious choice to change because something else becomes more important. And so we no longer find ourselves in the types of situations that some of my peers enjoy writing about, and we enjoy reading, every Monday morning. Now don't get me wrong; a few cocktails and related tomfoolery is fun from time to time. To quote Benjamin Franklin, "beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." But I do believe that the difference between the single amongst us and the committed is that the committed have had someone point out the line to us and consistently remind us of the consequences should we fall over it! The single amongst us just haven't yet met the yin to their Yuengling, err...yang.